By Kara McMahon, Founder, Admissions by Design
When I read a college essay, the question I keep coming back to is: What changed?
A student may describe a meaningful experience, explain a challenge, or tell a memorable story. But I still want to understand what they see differently because of it—and how that understanding shows up in their life.
That is where I spend the most time with students. Before we polish the opening or trim the final paragraph, we need to understand what the experience actually meant to them.
The experience is the beginning
Students often spend most of an essay explaining what happened. They describe the game, the fundraiser, the disagreement, or the moment something went wrong.
Those details give the reader context. But the experience alone does not explain its significance.
A student might tell us they organized a successful event. What did they learn about working with people? Did they discover that their original approach wasn’t working? Did someone challenge an assumption they had made?
Most importantly, what did they do with that understanding?
The connection between the experience, the change in thinking, and the behavior that followed deserves real space in the essay.
“I learned” needs something behind it
“I learned the importance of teamwork.”
“This experience made me more empathetic.”
“I became a better leader.”
These statements may be true. They are also starting points for a deeper conversation.
If a student became more empathetic, I want to understand what they began noticing that they had overlooked before. Did they listen longer before offering advice? Did they change how they responded to a friend? Did they reconsider a judgment?
If they became a better leader, what changed in their approach? Perhaps they stopped taking over every task and began asking teammates what support they needed. Perhaps they learned to address a disagreement instead of hoping it would disappear.
A change in thinking becomes more convincing when we can see its effect on a student’s choices.
Growth can be small and still matter
Students sometimes assume they need to describe a complete transformation. That pressure can lead to an ending that sounds larger than the experience supports.
An honest shift can be much smaller.
A student who was afraid to ask questions begins attending extra help. Someone who always wanted the final word learns to pause and consider another perspective. A team captain starts paying attention to the players who rarely speak up.
These changes matter because they affect how the student moves through everyday life.
The essay can also acknowledge that the student is still working on something. Recognizing a habit and making a deliberate effort to change it can offer meaningful reflection without pretending the work is finished.
The question I ask next
When a student tells me an experience changed them, I often ask:
“Can you tell me about a moment afterward when you responded differently because of it?”
That question helps us move from a broad claim to something specific.
Imagine a student who says tutoring taught them patience. As we talk, they explain that they initially repeated the same explanation whenever someone was confused. Eventually, they began asking the other student to walk through their thinking so they could understand where the confusion started.
Now we have something to explore. Their understanding of helping changed, and their approach changed with it.
The student may never need to use the word “patience.” Their actions help us understand what they learned.
Keep the reflection in the student’s words
This part of the process requires care from the adults helping.
We may see a lesson in a student’s experience. But the student needs room to explain what it meant to them, even if their answer differs from what we expected.
Helpful questions include:
What did you believe before this happened?
What made you reconsider?
What did you do differently afterward?
Give them time to answer. Ask for an example. Listen for the language they naturally use.
A thoughtful essay can sound like a teenager. We can clarify sentences and cut repetition while preserving the student’s observations, humor, and way of explaining things. The insight should remain theirs.
Before the final polish
As application deadlines approach, it is easy to focus on individual words. Before making another round of edits, step back and read for meaning.
Do you understand why the experience mattered? Can you see a shift in the student’s thinking? Is there something concrete that shows how they carried that understanding forward?
If those pieces are missing, another polished transition probably won’t solve the problem. A conversation may help more.
At Admissions by Design, I want students to submit essays they recognize as their own—and that help a reader understand them more fully.
The story gives us the experience. The reflection explains the change in thinking. The student’s choices show us what that change means.