The Hardest Part of the College Essay? It’s Usually the Middle

Hannah, our Admissions by Design essay specialist, and I talk about the middle of students’ personal statements multiple times a week.

Students can often write a great hook. They know they need to grab the reader’s attention. And they usually have a pretty good idea of how they want to end their essay.

But the middle?

That’s where we often see the essay shift from personal to explanatory.

First this happened. Then I did this. Then we went here. Then this happened…

Suddenly, we know a lot about the story—but not necessarily much more about the student.

And this is called a personal statement for a reason.

Tell Me What Was Happening Inside You

One of the most common pieces of feedback Hannah and I give students is:

Tell me how you felt.

What were you thinking in that moment? What surprised you? What made you uncomfortable? Did you change your mind? Did you realize something about yourself that you hadn’t understood before?

You don't need to give an admissions officer a play-by-play of everything that happened. Give enough context to understand the story, and then let us inside your head.

Instead of always asking:

“What happened next?”

Ask:

“What was happening inside me?”

That’s where the personal statement becomes personal.

Your Application Already Tells Colleges What You Did

This is something students sometimes forget.

Your transcript shows your academic performance. Your activities list tells colleges what you've been involved in. Your recommendations provide other people's perspectives on you.

The personal statement gives colleges something different: your perspective.

That doesn't mean every sentence needs to contain a profound realization. And it certainly doesn't mean you need to make yourself look perfect.

Sometimes admitting that you were embarrassed, jealous, nervous, disappointed, wrong, or unsure tells us far more about you than another paragraph explaining your accomplishments.

Reflection gives an admissions officer the chance to understand how you think, what you notice, what matters to you, and how you respond to the world around you.

Try This With Your Draft

Go directly to the middle of your personal statement and ask:

How much of this explains what happened, and how much reveals something about me?

If most of the middle is explaining the sequence of events, you probably don't need a new essay topic.

You just need to go deeper into the one you already have.

What Does the Reader Actually Want to Know?

Ultimately, an admissions officer is reading your essay and wondering:

Who is this person, and how might they fit into our college community?

They don't really care that the grass was wet on the soccer field.

They care that you noticed another spectator getting soaked and moved your umbrella over to cover both of you.

They don't need three sentences describing how the ketchup splattered all over the white kitchen walls.

They want to know that you cleaned up those walls before your parents got home.

Because those details tell us something about you.

They show kindness. Awareness. Responsibility. Humor. Empathy. Initiative.

And they help an admissions officer imagine you not just as a student sitting in a classroom, but as a roommate, teammate, lab partner, club member, friend, and member of their campus community.

So don't spend the middle of your essay simply telling us what happened.

Show us who you were while it was happening.

After all, the most important word in “personal statement” is personal.